Breathe Again
by Aeliel
Summary: One-Shot In honor of the new Reign episode airing tomorrow. Based on the end of 1:8. Mary's thoughts on her first night with Sebastian. Please R&R! Inspiration from Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles


This just came to me while I was re-watching episode 8 preparing for new episodes tomorrow! I love this song, and it made me think about Mary's thoughts on leaving Francis and running off with Bash. Little one-shot about her feelings. I usually don't do song based fanfiction but here's to something new!

Please R&R and let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Reign or to the song Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles.

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**_Car is parked, bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn't look back  
At the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours?_**

Mary could feel her muscles tightening as she rode, as fast as possible, away from the sound of her name. The gut wrenching echo of two hearts breaking. She refused to let him die for her. She would never let anyone die for her, ever, as long as there was breath in her lungs.

**_All those words came undone and now I'm not the only one  
Facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns_**

She knew he would never forgive her for what had just happened. Any trust that had existed between them, all of the love flowing between them, twisted into a hate so strong it would hide any other feelings that had been shared. At least he would be safe.

**_All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe  
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something__  
__Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again  
I'll breathe again_**

Hours into a seemingly endless ride, Sebastian signaled for a dismount.

"This is as good a place as any to rest for the evening." He took the lead from her and leashed both of their horses to a nearby tree, grass sprinkled beneath the limbs for them to feed on. He set about building a fire to warm the campsite throughout the night.

"Thank you for coming with me Bash. I hope this will not be too much of a burden on you." He watched her quietly.

"Are you finally going to explain to me why you needed to leave in such a hurry?" Emotion broke loose from the dam she had been trying so hard to build.

**_Open up next to you and my secrets become your truth  
And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view  
Hang my head, break my heart built from all I have torn apart  
And my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore_**

"Nostradamus told me that my love for Francis will kill him." She sobbed. "I can't let him die Bash, not for me. I refuse to hold that burden against my soul." He gathered her into a tight hug. She wept bitterly, hurting for the past, and the future that would never be. He rubbed her back while salty tears stained the front of his shirt, rocking slightly and muttering unintelligible words of comfort.

_**All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe**  
**Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something**  
**Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again**  
_  
Eventually the shaking stopped. He wrapped the saddle blanket around her shoulders and set about preparing their meal of dried meat and cheese. She didn't have any appetite, but he forced her to eat, told her it would keep up her strength and that he refused to deliver a Queen back to her country on the verge of a malnourished death. His teasing demeanor had caused a smile to break through the veil of guilt and pain for the moment at least.

There was Scotland. There would always be Scotland. Focus on her people and maybe she would eventually be alright.

**_It hurts to be here  
I only wanted love from you  
It hurts to be here  
What am I gonna do?_**

She lay on the ground near the fire, watching Sebastian's chest rise and fall rhythmically. The light cast shadows on his face, illuminating the ghosts he carried on his shoulders. He was a very handsome man, she had to admit. And he was her hero, once again. Had she ever been anything but in his debt since they had met? Always the protector, always the man of shadows and secrets, but he never let her feel as though she were a burden.

**_All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe  
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching  
All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe  
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something_**

His eyes opened briefly as he shifted, searching for a more comfortable position, and their gaze locked. He smiled softly. It was filled with compassion, dark whispers of something she couldn't quite decipher, and a twinkle of hope. She smiled back at him, weakly, as he slipped back into the land of dreams.

Maybe someday she would break the chains of anguish that tightened on her heart and made it so difficult to inhale. Maybe her answer was willing to risk everything to protect her. She would never know unless she let herself breathe again.

Tomorrow. She would let herself feel again tomorrow. Tonight the demons were just too strong to fight.

**_Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again  
I'll breathe again_**

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Thank you for reading! Please R&R and enjoy the new episode of Reign airing 1/23/2014!

~Aeliel


End file.
